Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
