I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
