The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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