so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
