His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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