I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
