I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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