So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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