FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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