So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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