This is not my ceiling
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize