is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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