Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
