Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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