So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
