I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize