She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
