When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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