I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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