i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
