1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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