You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
