i love accidental penises.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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