I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
