Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
