Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
