just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
