THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
