i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
