why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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