i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
