Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize