He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
