just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
