he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
