I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
