If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
