Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
