my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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