I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
