im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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