who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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