did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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