i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
