before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
