I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My penis needs a shock collar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
