The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
