whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
