Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
