I want to have your abortion
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she peed on how many people?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
