i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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