when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
