We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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