My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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