He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
