fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
