Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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