I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
