If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
love makes seman taste better
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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