I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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