Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wear drunk well.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
