I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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