Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The struggles of a small town man whore
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
