There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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