awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
