You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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