i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
