ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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