My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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