I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
