Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
