She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
